


bonds & worries

by Skeletus



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Telepathic Bond, Touch Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 04:27:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19738315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skeletus/pseuds/Skeletus
Summary: A drabble in which McCoy worries a lot and opens up for Spock to listen.(This is a bad summary I'm sorry I'll update if I can think of a better one not at 2am!)





	bonds & worries

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to get more comfortable with my writing again so I'm trying to post things even though I'm not 100% satisfied with it because if I don't I'll just pick and pick at it until I don't like it and won't post and writing is supposed to be fun.
> 
> If this seems ooc it's because I'm a firm believer especially for this ship that Spock would not be as 'distant' emotionally from McCoy if they were a couple as he knows the needs of humans and their need for touch and expression and Leonard is a hell of an emotional dude. So I believe that if Spock took a human mate he wouldn't treat them like a Vulcan would another Vulcan but he'd still have his kind of classic demeanor. That may just be me though, lemme know how you guys feel and your opinion and how you think I wrote him! 
> 
> I'm also a member of the 'let Leonard express emotions other than anger' club, so he may seem a bit sappy here but I think with the right person he'd feel comfortable with he'd open up past his facade of anger he uses to shield himself. Lemme also know how you feel about that!
> 
> Thank you for reading and please feel free to suggest tags and stuff if you think they'd be fitting I'm really terrible at that!

When McCoy was at his most upset, he said nothing. It was a stark contrast to his usual fight over flee, if he could help it he’d never hold back from letting you know just how wrong he thought you were; now just the sound of the silence from him was enough to send you into immediate twisting guilt. In this case it was unavoidable, if you gave Spock the same scenario a thousand times over he would have made the same decision.

The mission was a simple survey of the planet surface, but of course when they were involved things could never be that simple and it was foolish of them to let their guard down, even for the minute it took for it to go wrong. There was uncatalogued life among the planet, an alien life form with readings unknown to any of their previous notations that went unnoticed on their scans. They seemed to be adept at stealth having knowledge of their surroundings that they lacked as visitors. They managed to sneak up on McCoy with only moments for Spock to hear them before him and react to shove him to the side and dispatch the attacker, earning himself a deep gash along his side from their primitive weaponry.

Leonard was back at his side in less than a moment, hands pushing his hands and arm out of the way to see the damage, his hands quickly becoming stained with blood. A firm hand smoothed over the wound and pressed, the other grabbing at his and placing it over where his was and pushing down on them until he was satisfied to let go and grab his communicator. “McCoy to Enterprise. Two to beam up, ASAP.” he commanded and almost instantly the familiar lightheadedness of the transporter washed over them.

As soon as they arrived in the transporter room, Leonard grabbed the arm of his shirt in his fingers and Spock confirmed then that he was upset as he avoided contact with his skin which restricted him from feeling the line of their connection. There were waves of his emotions across their bond but there was a haze there as it was blocked from him, though not completely as it was vital to both of them to feel the others presence. There was a soft touch along the back of his mind as McCoy delved into the surface of their bond and his condition was assessed. It rose goosebumps up the back of his neck each time even though it was a common feeling that came to them both when the other would check in on them.

McCoy refused any questioning from Scotty who quickly knew to stop talking as soon as he wasn’t responded to the first time, and dragged Spock along with him through the halls.

-x-

The doors of sickbay swished open and Nurse Chapel took in the sight of them without comment, she glanced between them and McCoy must have given her a look as she nodded silently, setting down her PADD and passing through to the other rooms. The hand on his arm urged him to sit and he did so without question, eyes settling on the side of Leonard's face as he avoided his gaze and washed his hands before pulling on a pair of gloves. Spock watched him carefully and noted his head hung lower as he prepared the regenerator with quick hands, steady as ever even as the rest of his body twitched with the remnants of his adrenaline.

The regenerator beeped to life and Spock respectfully looked away for a moment as he turned back to face him, carrying his supplies over to the biobed and setting them with a metallic clack on the side table. He didn’t need to be told to lay back when it was time, they had done this routine more times than he’d care for, but he still waited for the familiar pressure of a hand prodding at his arm for him to do so. It paused for a minute before he was fully back to carefully pull his hand away from where it was keeping the pressure and roll up his blood stained shirt over his wound. There was a hesitant touch that traced along the edges of the wound before it disappeared and there was a small click as a kidney dish of saline was set next to his side and McCoy settled down into his chair before a gauze was dipped in and pressed gently to his side.

Spock linked his fingers on his chest and turned his head to the side to watch him work; his movements were gentle but precise, his eyebrows were furrowed in what he couldn’t place to be concentration or guilt. He knew better than to talk even though he wanted to, Leonard in this state was fragile and he would have to wait for him to come on his own. The dish had gone a deep shade of green as it saturated with his blood, Leonard had once said that this had soured his like for the colour and he took instead to liking the safe colour of yellow, like that of the sun.

“It's not you.” Leonard commented suddenly but quietly and rubbed his shoulder over his ear, a habit of his Spock had cataloged as one of many nervous habits that show when he’s feeling vulnerable. “I just hate it sometimes - “ he continued and Spock simply watched him with an open expression and stayed quiet to urge him to continue and show he was listening but he said nothing again for a long time. The wound was sufficiently clean and he made quick work of repairing the skin, leaving a neat slightly tinted line behind.

There was a snap as McCoy pulled off his gloves and trailed his bare fingertips along the line, poking and prodding as he assessed it for raised areas or excess of scar tissue that would need fixing. He seemed to spend more time than necessary on this before he spoke up again, “I hate that I can’t just.. _be_.” he moved to rub at his neck but Spock saw it coming and stopped the movement with a gentle hand on his wrist, knowing he’d rub it raw in his absentmindedness. Leonard let out a small huff and lowered his gaze to the hand on his arm and grabbed it in his hands, smoothing his palm across Spocks, letting him in.

They sat in silence and after a moment Spock rose to sit up again and Leonard looked up from his chair and searched his face with a curious expression, obviously feeling that Spock had only sat on the surface of their bond and refused to meet him at the barrier. “Speak your thoughts, Leonard. I will not take them from you.” he spoke gently and took one of his hands away, threading it at the temple into the chestnut brown hair below him. The doctor’s shoulders slouched as he relaxed under the touch, unknowing to him he was holding them rigid the whole time. Leonard grabbed his other hand and brought it to the other side of his head to cradle it between them, holding his own hands overtop of them. “I just worry.” he sighed as he began, “ -and before you say it, I _know_ it’s illogical. You’re quite capable of taking care of yourself. **Hell** , most of the time you’re saving _my_ ass.” he laughed almost bitterly, clearly feeling responsible for their current situation even though they would have had the same with any other human who would have not heard the inhabitants.

“You just always get yourself roughed up for our sake and it’s up to me to fix you and what if there’s a day that comes - and I can’t do it. “ he sighed and rubbed his cheek on one of the palms holding him and Spock noted it had heated up in either his stress or embarrassment of his admission. “I feel the bond get cloudy and I know you’ve gone through that transporter and I get this weight in my chest that just gets heavier as the day goes by and doesn’t let up until you’re back. Now it looks like even when I come with you I can’t prevent that weight anymore. I was so preoccupied in my own head I didn’t even see the danger that was right behind me and you paid for it.” he snorted and shook his head as he rubbed at his face, “-that sounds so pathetic.”

“It is not.” Spock spoke finally and rubbed his thumbs against the heated cheeks of his bondmate, but he didn’t look convinced. “You are human and therefore still unaccustomed to the effects of a bond that is usually shared between two Vulcans.” he began, attempting some sort of explanation as Leonard watched him with a troubled expression, trying to understand. “You are surprisingly adept at maintaining the bond without my guidance, but you are retaining mutual emotions that you can’t distinguish as not your own and they are heightening yours.” He finished and noted how it seemed to be long winded as the unsettled expression never left Leonard’s face, so he attempted to simplify, “Your worry is just as much yours as it is my own.”

After a moment, Leonard moved to stand and Spock’s hands fell away from his face and settled onto his hips as he drew closer into his chest and settled his face into the crook of his neck, arms wrapping around him. “ _Thank you_.” a small voice breathed into the skin of his throat and he turned to press his nose into his hair, breathing him in. “Thank you’s are illogical.” he mumbled into the curls and earned himself a snort from the other.

“Shut up.”


End file.
